Monday, May 11, 2009

Balance

Last Monday was one of the best days of my life. I feel mildly guilty saying that, like it has something directly to do with the fact that the Papoose wasn't with me. It does. And it doesn't. It's not so much an absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder thing. I couldn't get any fonder of anyone. "Fond" is, in fact, a ridiculous way to speak of your child. It's a balance thing. A wholeness. Reclaiming some of my life.

I am tempted to suggest that it's akin to when I started my PPD treatment. My overwhelming emotion then (well, one of them) was that I should have done it so much sooner. But putting the Papoose in day care was not like that. I did it at the perfect time. She went when she was ready.

I had truly forgotten that a bathroom could be cleaned so quickly without a toddler's "help." What usually took me a week (no joke) took about 15 minutes. I spent all of last Monday in a flurry of productivity. I have slowed down to a more sensible and sustainable pace since then, but Balance is the feeling I keep coming back to. It's pretty awesome.

My two days of Balance, while she was at day care, were followed my one of our best days together ever. We went to the zoo on a semi-rainy day and it was nearly empty, so I let her out of her stroller and she quite literally had the run of the place. She loves the cows, but is inexplicably scared of goats. She also loves the meercats, and is quite sensibly scared of the tigers. By the time we got to the giraffes and elephants she was exhausted and let me know by pointedly saying, "Bye-BYE, giraffe!"

That day was followed by one of our worst ever. All I can say is that I was in tears before it was even 8:00 am and that I don't know what happened. The clinging, the hanging, the whining...it was all just too much; I couldn't take it. I haven't felt that way since before my PPD meds, but it seems to have been a fluke, so I don't know what to make of it. I feel fine again now.

In completely unrelated news, the Husband has MRSA, which, frankly, sucks. He feels like a leper and I'm doing unending laundry and imagining our skyrocketing utility bills with all the hot water we're using. It's in his leg and he has a followup appointment tomorrow, so we'll see if there's any news. For now, he's being medicated within an inch of his life with antibiotics.

I have no way to wrap up such an all-over-the-place post except with promises of future pictures. I've got all kinds of projects in the pipeline now that I have some time to get things done. Two sewing projects coming up next post...

2 comments:

Scarlet Lily said...

He has MRSA???!!?? I've only ever heard of that in scary public health stories - never from an actual individual getting it! God, I hope he gets better soon - he's having a rough health year.

Red said...

Sigh. If it's not one damn thing, it's another. I feel so badly for both of you. The leper thing I get, really...

but YAAAAAY BALANCE!