Do a Little Dance

Five years ago, last Saturday, the 26th, the Husband and I tied the knot at a little inn in Vermont. Sixty-five of our closest friends and family got down and boogied with us. It was so much fun that a close family friend passed out, my stepmother-in-law had to go to the hospital, and my florist kind of yelled at me. And 73 people gave toasts, I had so much fun I didn't drink a thing (except for the toasts, and until my friends found out that I wasn't drinking a thing), and everyone said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to. Oh yeah, and I won a husband and a trip to Jamaica. Made out pretty well, all in all.

We've had ups and downs since then, of course, but it's been a wilder roller coaster ride than ever this year. I feel like we are just barely coming up from what may be the lowest low we've ever had, with a long way to go yet just to approach sea level (See what I did there? With the horrendously mixed metaphors? You should see me with a martini.).

And our anniversary was such a microcosmic representation of the whole year. You can't make this kind of material up.

The Husband surprised me by planning the whole night for us. Which was great because it occurred to me that I'd better start looking for a babysitter, oh, two nights before our anniversary. But he already had one lined up. Ouiser's aunt generously took the Papoosekin off our hands for the WHOLE NIGHT! We haven't had a night out alone without her since before we left Tucson in February. FIVE MONTHS AGO. I believe I did a little dance in their driveway.

The Husband brought me to a surprise restaurant, featured in the August issue of Southern Living magazine. OMG, it was fabulous! Every single thing was delicious. It was the best meal, for the food, the conversation, the company, the atmosphere, everything, that I've had in forever.

Brie and fruit appetizer

My beef filet with green beans and some kind of potato pancake thingy. I forget what they called it.

The Husband's flank steak with pommes frites and cheese grits. It was supposed to come with broccoli but he subbed. Yeah, the waitress was a little horrified. That's my meat and potatoes guy!

Chocolate torte and pistachio ice cream. Perfection.

We even managed to get to the movie theater in time to catch the last part of the Husband's fun-filled plan and saw the Batman movie. Which was great. Loved Heath Ledger. So, so creepy.

But THEN! THEN!!! We leave the theater all happy and satisfied with the night and tired and ready to go home to the Papoosekin and sleep. And we get in the car and see that the few papers that were in there are scattered all over the front seats and floor. And it's not even our car. Our car died a few weeks ago and we'd been borrowing a spare car from the Ouiser collection.

Someone had broken into our borrowed car. And stolen the Husband's laptop. The laptop that's owned by the company he works for. The company for whom he's only been working for five months. And he's a YANKEE!

We called the cops. The cops came. They took our report and that of at least two other people whose cars also got broken into. Did I mention that the Husband had a bunch of our personal financial documents in the laptop case? Yeah, he did. Oh, and also a memory stick with ALL OUR PERSONAL DOCUMENTS from our desktop. Oh yes, he did.

I cried. The Husband sighed. We drove home, deflated. The Husband got some ribbing at work last week, but nothing too bad. We knew we'd never see that laptop again. I don't care how small your town is, the police have better things to do than track down this kind of petty theft. The whole thing felt numbingly familiar. We're like a Greek tragedy over here, except no one is putting us out of our misery.

But THEN! THEN!!! I must have finally sacrificed enough chickens to the right god because the police called the Husband and said THEY HAD THE LAPTOP! In fact, they'd had it since the night it was stolen. The idiot thief took a bunch of the credit cards he'd stolen (from a total of nine cars, apparently) and tried to use a bunch of them at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart detained him (more on that later) and the police got back all the property. It just took them four days to get around to calling. Whatever, do you realize what this means?

Something actually went well for us. We had good luck. (If you never read another post from me, it's because lightening struck my house tonight. Right on my head.) We sat around for three days waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it really hasn't. I don't even know what to do with this feeling. I feel so accustomed to all the crap life has been dealing us lately that I almost don't feel like we deserve this good fortune. I'm sure I'll adjust.

So that's my happy anniversary story.

Now, back to Wal-Mart. I quizzed the Husband on this, but he was unable to come up with any satisfactory answers. I want to know how Wal-Mart is able to "detain" anybody. I swear I've never seen any security in there, but the Husband claims that he has. Fine, even if they have security, no way do those rent-a-cops have guns. Do you think they strong-armed the dude? Or do you think the thief was so stupid that security said, "Stay," and he just sat down with his stolen merchandise and played solitaire on our laptop until the cops showed up? Do you think a bunch of checkout clerks tackled him and performed a citizen's arrest? I'm so curious about this...